Hey LeBron, here are the top five signs your Taco Tuesday trademark application was not filed by an actual trademark attorney:

1. FOUL AT THE TIP-OFF!  The Declaration (the signed paper that the person submitting the application will tell the truth) is literally signed in ink and scanned in.  Why?  After all, this costs extra fees.  Trademark attorneys know that by far the easiest (and fee-free) way to submit a declaration is to sign it electronically at the time the application is submitted online.  Total Rookie choke.

2. STUCK IN THE BACK-COURT: This ONE Application seeks registration in FIVE classes.  This makes Virginia’s double-dribble in the Final Four look like Michael Jordan taking an un-opposed­­­­ lay-up.  Smart Trademark attorneys know that each class needs its own Application.  Because . . .

3. DOUBLE—TRIPPLE-NO. . . A QUADDRUPLE­­-DRIBBLE! Unless ALL the marks line-up for allowance, any penalty assigned to one class will hold up the others, or the classes will be forced into applications of their own.  In fact, the Trademark Office treats every class as a separate application (that’s a hint – so should you!)

4. TECHNICAL!  Filing a mark without doing a search, LeBron?  That’s like playing in the Championships without scouting the other team!  Not smart.  That Class 9 rejection that says “likely confusion”?  Well, it’s completely predictable and totally avoidable.  Next time, just like you’d watch the tape then play the game, do a full trademark search then file for the mark.

5. 0-4 AT THE LINE: Let’s go over something else trademark attorneys know: marks don’t protect common words.  Rather, they protect names, slogans and logos that identify the thing you sell or the company that sells it.  That’s why this Application was destined `to throw nothing but airballs. 

 Shaquille O’Neil sends his thanks.

LeBron, you’re smart and work harder than anyone in basketball – make sure that just like you’d not send your new (and expensive) trademark attorneys to take the shot at the buzzer, that you get a real pro the next time you take a trademark application to court.